After spending the last three years going back through my journals, and COUNTLESS MILLIONS of photos (from the time when you actually had to load film into a camera. I can't IMAGINE having digital photo capability during that time...the photos would number into the BILLIONS!!) here are some reflections on the journey...
I am, actually, gay, and was while living in Japan, but was, at that time, fighting it with all my might. Growing up Baptist, it was ingrained in my psyche that I was going to burn in hell for who I was. The tragic thing is...I actually believed it. It's sad that some people still do. So...all the stuff about Stephanie during the first 8 months of posts, and the entries about Chizuru, Mika, and later, Mitsuko, were really just futile attempts to be "normal". I really did care for each of them, but...none of the relationships would have worked out. Once I finally DID come out (about eight years after moving back from Japan), life took a HUGE turn for the better, and I've been much happier with who I am ever since!
I managed to maintain relationships with others via snail mail (Facebook
and blogging weren't even a "thing" until about the time I came out),
but, sadly, was abandoned by several when I told them I was gay (one
even writing back to tell me that "the devil was whispering in my ear"
and that I needed to repent). No worries. My life is better without
them in it.
Mitsuko ended up being roommates with my sister when they both moved to
Los Angeles in the early 90's. They were roommates for about 5 years.
It was fun to continue the friendship through that different venue, but,
again, when I came out, things got weird.
Kimberly and I DID take that trip around the world! I kept a journal of
the trip (well...after two years, how could I not continue to
journal?! Perhaps that will be my next series of posts!). It was
amazing, and frustrating, and full of adventure! She and I live in the same metropolitan area, and,
even though we hardly ever see each other (busy lives going in twelve
different directions), I still consider her one of my oldest and dearest
friends.
I am also "Facebook friends" with many of the people in these blog posts...Janet V., Chinatsu, Akira, Masano, Mike B., Mr. M., Nobu, Mika. I have, unfortunately lost track of many people. I search Facebook, every now and then, to see if I can reconnect with various friends, but it's been very "hit or miss".
Masano and I were FINALLY able to get together again for the first time in THIRTY years last year. I met her husband, and was adopted as an "uncle" by her two AMAZING kids. We now get together once a year, and it's WONDERFUL to be reconnected again!!
I actually wish I could go back and do it all again, but at the age I am now. I'm sure many things would have been different. I would probably still have still found KIBC an oasis and "home", but would have been more authentically myself, and not hidden behind my "Baptist-ness" (of which I now profess to be "in recovery" from). I made some wonderful friends, and they helped me survive and thrive during my time there.
I spent so much time whining about things that weren't going the way I thought they should, and about the politics of Hinomoto, and the struggles with my faith. Now that I'm a "grown up" I realize that things OFTEN don't go the way I think they should...and how I react to those situations is far more important. Every job in EVERY profession has it's own political turmoil...how I navigate those politics is, again, more important. My faith...is strong! Japan was a test of that faith. All of the situations, obstacles, joys, challenges, and opportunities helped me to grow enormously. I consider my time in Japan one of my greatest life adventures!
I still miss Japan greatly. It was an amazing experience, and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I DO hope to get back some day, and still have dreams about it when I sleep.
Here's hoping YOU have similar life experiences that helped you grow into the AMAZING person you are! Thanks for sharing this journey with me, and I look forward to again writing blog entries from THIS decade!!!
